In the UK at the minute, there is a marriage penalty for disabled people. If a disabled person marries, then that person and their spouse are seen as one household. This means that your partner’s income and savings are taken into account when assessing means-tested state benefits.
State benefits such as Universal Credit are means-tested, so if your partner is working, this then makes you ineligible for Universal Credit. Universal Credit also requires you to have savings under £6,000 for full entitlement, and if you have savings over £16,000, you are then ineligible for Universal Credit. PIP (Personal independence Payments) are not means tested, however often PIP alone is not enough money in order to keep you afloat. PIP doesn’t allow you the same access to various grants and free services. For example, if you just receive PIP you are not eligible for free prescriptions on the NHS whereas you are on Universal credit.
There are several other restrictions that receiving state benefits have on household income. When that income is combined, this can leave disabled people often without financial support. This means that if disabled people choose to marry, they are forgoing having financial independence.
There can also be an assumption that your spouse would be your unpaid carer. This is not always possible as your spouse may also be disabled. Being a carer is a completely different role than a spouse. Often as disabled people, we want a partner and not a carer and so would like to make a clear distinction. But if we were to get married, we have that choice removed.
Why should a relationship mean losing your financial independence?
By withdrawing and disenabling disabled people from having financial independence, you are furthering their vulnerability especially when it comes to relationships.Disabled women are twice as likely to suffer domestic abuse then their able bodied peers, and often stay longer in domestically abusive relationships.
To leave a domestic abusive relationship, you may want financial independence or a way to achieve this. Now, if you are married and have had your eligibility to state benefits removed, this is going to make it much harder for you to leave. Furthermore, most domestic violence services are not accessible to disabled people, so they often struggle to turn to these organisations. This can often leave disabled people trapped in relationships that are abusive.
I want to be able to get married
This issue is personal to me. I want to be able to get married, and I want my siblings to be able to as well. I have three siblings with learning disabilities and, growing up, I saw many of their friends have long term engagements because they couldn’t afford to get penalised through getting married. I have seen the effect this then has on their lives.
Married spouses have much more say over their partner’s medical decisions, visits if they become ill and ultimately, their passing.
One of my siblings’ friends had been engaged to his partner for over ten years. Unfortunately, his partner developed cancer. Because they weren’t married, not only were they unable to live together, he wasn’t able to visit her or be involved in any medical decisions. But most heartbreakingly of all, he wasn’t allowed to be with her when she was passing. He was left out of the funeral and all arrangements.
Why should disabled people feel like they have to choose between surviving financially and having their relationship recognised in the way they want?
If this feels like déjà vu it’s because we have seen this before. In the 1980s, when a large number of gay men where dying from AIDs, their partners had no rights due to not being married, and therefore experienced this pain. We now look back on this time and see how inhumane this was. So, why when it continues to happen to disabled people are we not speaking up?
There is a solution though and you can help to achieve it.
What can I do to help?
You can help by writing to your local MP and join disabled organisations in petitioning the government for change. It’s time that means-tested benefits are based on the individual alone, not what their partner or spouse earns or has in savings
If this was achieved, then disabled people could get married without fear and without concern of losing support or ending up financially dependent. It would also enable disabled people to leave abusive relationships. Marriage equality should mean disabled people have the same freedom as everyone else to choose who they love, how they live and whether they marry.
Only if we make this change can true marriage equality be achieved.
Disabled people want to live ordinary lives like everyone else and being able to get married is often part of that.
About the author
Hope Lightowler was born and raised in Bradford and has three siblings with disabilities. She is also disabled, however this went undiagnosed until her adult years after becoming really unwell. She has lived and worked in adult social care, and has experienced it as a family member.
Adult social care is something she is incredibly passionate about, as well as disability rights. Her main goal is to make this world fairer and make sure it works better for people like her siblings. She uses my own personal experiences and advocates, so no one else has to go through what she has been through.