The trans community has been undergoing increasing attacks on their rights and freedoms over the last several years. Proud trans activist Oscar Sharples reflects upon what he wishes cisgender people knew about the intricacies and joys of trans identity.
I am often the first trans person that people have ever knowingly met. Once they realise that I’m open to answering their questions, the floodgates open. After being ‘out’ as trans for over a decade now, I’m pretty sure I’ve heard every question already: the gentle, curious, loving questions; and the accusatory, inappropriate, and downright creepy ones.
I answer all the questions (from well-meaning people) that I can, hoping that the burden is lifted from the next trans person they meet. But even the kindest people, who are genuinely curious, truly hear what I say, and are grateful for the opportunity to learn, never ask the right questions.
Trans people make up less than 1% of the global population. In the media we’re relentlessly spoken about, and rarely spoken to or with. So the questions people come to me with are already framed a certain way. They want me to confirm something they have heard, or challenge it – which I happily do. But I rarely get to tell people what they should really be asking about.
So I’m dedicating this blog to answering the questions that I wish I was asked about transness. Hopefully they enrich, challenge, and shift people’s understanding of what it means to be trans. At the very least, I hope it gives readers some new material to ask the next trans person they come across. The same old questions get boring after a while – I think it’s about time we spiced things up.
What is trans culture like?
As a Social Anthropology student I feel obligated to say that the idea of a ‘culture’ is incredibly complicated, obviously every trans community looks slightly – or very – different. But there are some things that are common features of our communities. One of which is found family.
Like the wider queer community, we place a strong emphasis on found family (i.e. forming close-knit family relationships with people you have no genetic relation to). Found family is often how we look after one another, and how we survive. I have been accruing various children of my own over the last decade, and jump at any opportunity to be adopted by elder trans people. It’s part of the deal: an elder passes on the advice, knowledge, and care to you, with the expectation that you will pass it on to the next person.
Whether it’s going to GP appointments together, looking after each other after surgeries, or gifting each other elaborate love letters – we take family very seriously. It can look quite odd, to outsiders, to see a newly-out trans person in their 80s taking parental advice from a trans teenager, but age and wisdom flow differently for us. You can be 23 and feel like an elderly trans grandpa (like me), or be 82 and feel like a freshly newborn version of yourself, excited for the life to come.
What is your favourite part about being trans?
Community. Trans people know how to love each other. Whether it’s a knowing smile passing each other on the street, buddying up and sharing wisdom when we run into each other, or more organised systems of mutual aid, we have an ethos of community care that I have rarely seen anywhere else. Need a place to stay? Need food? Need to know where to find a GP willing to see you? Need emotional support through a hard time? A trans person has your back.
What can cisgender (non-trans) people learn from the trans community?
I do feel bad for cisgender people sometimes. I forget that they haven’t gone through the trial-by-fire of doing The Terrible Thing (i.e. transitioning) that makes you an outcast.
There’s a joyous freedom that follows, that trans people share together. We celebrate horrendous haircuts, dodgy dye-jobs, ridiculous Drag shows, bad dancing, and silly tattoos that we will definitely regret at some point. In fact we seek them out. We looked at people’s expectations of us and paid no mind. Trans people have already decided that joy is the most important thing.
I think cis people lack that freedom sometimes. Don’t worry, there’s plenty to go around!
What do trans people need from us (cisgender people)?
Claim the fight for trans rights as your battle too. Show up to the protest without us asking you to. Make changes in your work/school without us asking you to (i.e. gender neutral bathrooms, pronouns in email signatures). Sign the petition without us asking you to.
Some helpful places to start:
- Be vocal about your support of the trans community with friends, family, coworkers etc.
- Challenge hate/discrimination whenever you can. Your voice is much more valued by other cis people than ours are.
- Make yourself identifiable as an ally to trans people, particularly trans youth. Take them aside and tell them that they can come to you.
- Email your MP and ask them what they are doing to support the trans community.
- Support local trans-led orgs.
When we’re present, make sure we’re listened to. When we’re absent, do everything you can to make it safe for us when we get there.
What does trans liberation look like to you?
Trans liberation is a world where we can spend our lives exploring ourselves without fear. Trans liberation is a world where, when I hear that someone has come out, I do not have to warn, guide, and support their fight, all I have to say is “Congratulations”.
About the Author
Oscar Sharples (he/they) is a 23 year-old British/Iranian activist, speaker, and aspiring academic. He is the Co-Founder and Director of Transilience (https://transilience.org.uk/), a grassroots organisation supporting trans youth in Devon. He holds a BA and MPhil from the University of Cambridge and will soon be beginning a PhD at the University of Brighton exploring practices of DIY transition within the trans community.