For three and a half years, my children were out of my care. They were placed in temporary foster care for six months before going to live with a family member under a Special Guardianship Order (SGO), a court order giving that family member parental responsibility until my children turned 18. In the UK, we are seeing the number of these arrangements increase, and the number of children returning home has dropped significantly. I know that from my own experience and from the women I meet that in many cases, with the right support, women are able to parent their children again.
When I agreed to a SGO for my children to live with a family member, it was on the promise that if I got the help I needed (to get sober), my children could come home. What I wasn’t informed of was that this order was a permanent arrangement, one that left me with only limited parental rights – ‘49%’ on paper and no plan for any future reunification or extra family time outside of what the court ordered. The process to discharge a permanent arrangement, such as a SGO, is nearly impossible. You are expected to fund the legal proceedings because it’s a private family court matter, and you are not provided with adequate support. Plus, having the daunting task of summoning my children’s carer, the local authority, and Cafcass to court, putting an extra strain on those relationships. It’s a process that is not set up for parents who self-represent, with no legal knowledge, nor is the system set up for us to be reunited with our children. Good job, I had one last fight inside of me.
I had a tough decision to make; was this in the best interest of my children? My eldest was old enough to have his own representation, and he affirmed my instinct that he wanted to come home. Ultimately, it still boils down to money; if I didn’t have the money to go back to court, my children wouldn’t be home with me today. Reunification shouldn’t be something only the financially able can achieve.
Foundations are the national What Works Centre for Children & Families, providing the answers and practical solutions that empower decision-makers to improve policy and practice on family support. They have called for a systematic review of interventions to support reunification. Their findings revealed that the number of children returning home, permanently, has dropped significantly – from 39% in 2011 to just 29% in 2020. The findings show that the barriers affecting reunification include housing, financial issues, and lack of community resources – data that is in line with my experience.
I recently took part in a parent focus research group with the National Children’s Bureau, where they are hearing from parents and practitioners about their experiences around reunification – it’s a start. This research can drive change in a system that too often gives up on families. But there needs to be a strategy in place so children can be reunited with their parents when it’s safe to do so.
I work at Pause, a national charity that works to improve the lives of women who have had – or are at risk of having – more than one child removed from their care. Pause’s data in this area shows that with the right trauma-informed support, some women are able to parent their children again. It’s this post-removal support provided to me that gave me time, space, and a pause in my life to focus on looking to the future. With the right support, we can recover and rebuild our lives. To think this kind of support is only available to some women, who are lucky enough to have this service in their area, is mind-blowing; there isn’t a statutory duty of care for parents who have experienced the removal of a child. I was one of the many lucky women who’ve managed to get the right post-removal support, and it wasn’t because the system encouraged me to.
The system must stop treating healing like an exception. After a lengthy 18-month court battle, and despite the local authority, children’s carer, and CAFCASS not agreeing with the return of my children,the court’s found that I had made the changes needed to resume parenting my children. The pause I took in my life played a significant role in allowing me to recover, heal, and become the emotionally available, present parent I am today. We are all thriving as a family, my eldest has just completed his first year in electrical engineering and left school as an A*student, and my youngest is a keen footballer but says he will be retiring soon! Overall, the removal didn’t have long-lasting issues that we weren’t able to overcome.
I’m calling on the government to put reunification at the heart of the care system. Every child deserves the chance to return home when it’s safe – but right now, there is no clear pathway, no consistent support, and no strategy. Reunification shouldn’t be left to luck, privilege, or parents having to fight alone. We need investment, guidance, and a national commitment to help families heal and rebuild, because separation should never be the standard end of the story.
About the Author
Karina Graham leads communications and Getting Involved work at Pause, ensuring women’s voices drive change in services and systems for women affected by child removal. Karina uses her lived and learned experience to uplift women impacted by child removal. At Pause, she champions involvement work, co-produces a podcast sharing authentic stories, and leads on communications.
As an Expert by Experience on the National Practice Group, she influences national practice with insight from her own journey. Karina believes in storytelling as a force for action and transformation—turning pain into power and voice into change.