In this blog, Christopher Egan, writer, and Lived Experience Lead at We Are Survivors reflects on Jimmy McGovern’s new BBC Drama ‘Unforgivable’ from a survivors perspective. Christopher is part of our 2025 Spokesperson Programme.
In one of the opening scenes of the BBC drama Unforgivable we meet Tom, a young survivor of child sexual abuse. His expression is haunting. Seeing him on the screen was like looking in a mirror and seeing my 14-year-old self staring back. It took my breath away. I pressed pause on my remote as tears began to blur my vision.
For the next 100 minutes Unforgivable was everything you would expect from Jimmy McGovern – an exceptional piece of storytelling, expertly crafted, emotionally charged, well-acted, bold, beautifully written, nuanced and engrossing.
As a writer myself, and lover of stories told from the human perspective, Unforgivable is an unforgettable watch which stays with you long after it ends.
But, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, by the time the credits rolled, I was overwhelmed with anger, sadness, and an uneasy sense of betrayal. I felt let down.
From my perspective as a survivor and a sexual violence professional supporting my fellow male survivors of sexual violence, often including child sexual abuse, the focus on a perpetrator who had also allegedly been a victim of abuse is difficult, nuanced and to get it wrong is extremely damaging. Research shows that sexual abuse is a cycle that very few survivors repeat. This focus is also dangerous because it risks silencing those who have not yet found the courage to speak out and seek support for fear of being labelled abusers themselves. It reinforces stigma instead of dismantling it.
“Like Unforgivable, society rarely asks how survivors heal.”
Furthermore, there was no signposting to support for anyone affected by the issues portrayed. As someone who is very protective of the male survivor community I have grown to love and admire, I believe these omissions do a profound disservice to survivors everywhere. Unforgivable starts an important conversation, but, for survivors, it is not the right conversation.
For me, the inadequately told story of Unforgiveable is Tom’s. A boy who, like many young survivors, uses misdirected anger to illustrate his distress, rather than speech. A boy who is forced to harm himself to be considered worthy of support while the newly released perpetrator has daily therapy. A boy who is punished for acting out while the perpetrator goes unpunished when he breaks his licence conditions.
Like Unforgivable, society rarely asks how survivors heal. From careless tabloid headlines to reckless self-proclaimed vigilante ‘paedophile hunters,’ our culture appears unhealthily fixated on the abuser. We demonise, we hunt, and we condemn. Ridding our world of monsters to make ourselves feel safe. But once the cloud of outrage dissipates, survivors are often abandoned and without the necessary tools to begin a process of recovery from traumas they believe they can never speak of. Support services are underfunded, underpublicised, and are often inaccessible.
24 hours after Unforgivable aired, the Office for National Statistics released data estimating there were 500,000 adult male victims of sexual assault in the UK from April 2024 – April 2025. This data does not include males under 16 or adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse – but it does give an indication of the scale of the male population who are victims of sexual assault. Yet, despite such overwhelming numbers, support services for males are almost non-existent in the UK.
I was raped when aged 13 by a member of my extended family. It was not until I reached 17 that the violence ended. I am still recovering. I will always be recovering because sexual abuse is not something you fully recover from. I spent 34 years alone in my suffering before I found appropriate support. In 2017 I walked through the doors of We Are Survivors, one of the few organisations that supports male survivors of sexual violence in the UK, and I at once felt seen, heard, believed, and therefore, hopeful. They gave me safe spaces to speak, grow, fall and be picked up again. Years later, I am their Lived Experience Lead, supporting male survivors, as I have been supported.
My hope is for boys like Tom, and any men abused as children who still live in silence, to know what I now know: that life can be so much more than mere survival.
We Are Survivors held me patiently for five years and guided me through the difficult process of reclaiming my life. With their support, I began to feel joy, I learned how to smile again, and I created spaces where I could truly thrive. And I have been thriving ever since.
Too many boys who are sexually abused grow into men without ever speaking their truth, carrying their anguish until the weight becomes too great and it poisons the very life they are trying to survive. If this is you, please know that you are not alone. It is never easy to seek support. It takes great courage. When you feel ready, pick up the phone, and know we are here for you.
About the author
Christopher Egan is the Lived Experience Lead at We Are Survivors (WAS), the leading charity within England and Wales supporting male survivors of sexual harms. Prior to his current role, Christopher had been a long-standing client of WAS and takes pride in knowing that the support once vital to his own recovery has now come full circle, allowing him to advocate for and guide his fellow male survivors, so they too have opportunities to heal, be heard and to thrive. Christopher credits WAS with helping him find his voice and has spoken publicly at events across the country, detailing his experiences of sexual trauma, domestic abuse, addiction, and incarceration. In late 2023, Christopher helped establish the Manchester Trauma and Sexual Violence Network in conjunction with Manchester City Council Public Health Department and several other sexual violence support services and is currently acting as their Subject Matter Expert.
Outside of work, Christopher is a storyteller and published author; his work, based around his own experiences of sexual harms, highlights how re-framing trauma can help aid recovery and how happier endings can be created on the page. Christopher is part of our 2025 Spokesperson Leadership programme equipping leaders with direct experience of social injustiec with the skills, confidence and networks to share their experience, have their expertise heard more widely and ultimately drive change for their communities.
Find support and more information at: https://www.wearesurvivors.org.uk/
We Are Survivors phone number is: 0161 236 2182.
Outside of our usual business operating hours anyone requiring support should call
The 24 hr Rape Support Helpline is 0808 500 2222 (run by Rape Crisis England & Wales)